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Of Spines and Oaths

The Smilor Post

Fort Worth, TX

January 29, 2021

Reports from the Capital Building in Washington DC indicate that dozens of MedStar vehicles were called in response to an emergency on the Senate floor during the vote on the impeachment trial of former president Donald Trump. Apparently, 45 Senators lost their spines and were unable to stand up for the U. S. Constitution.

MedStar personnel found the Senators bent over at the waist and recognized immediately that they suffered from a severe case of spinelessness. They had contracted the political disability from Republican colleagues in the House who had failed to vote to impeach the former president and in the process gladly accepted their supine position. Symptoms of the disability include weak knees, kowtowing, forgetfulness, refusal to demand accountability, obfuscation and ultimately a willingness to violate one's oath.

An aide to President Trump reported that the former president was "giddy with delight" that it was so easy to bend the Republican Party to his will. The aide commented that the former president had not been this happy since he cheered on the mob that attached the Capital Building on January 6.

Only 10 House members and 5 Senators retained the use of their spines as the epidemic of the erosion of backbones from the failure of Republicans to honor their oaths spread among the rest of the Party.

As one Senator noted, "Oath, smoath, it's just words on a piece of paper. We need to preserve, protect and defend our fearless leader. After all, it was just a little insurrection that he caused."

Senator Josh Hawley, nearly driven to a prone position by his own fawning behavior, still managed his now trademarked salute by raising his arm and giving a fist pump to satisfy his supporters among QAnon followers, Proud Boys and conspiracy theorists.

Senator Ted Cruz, adept at living without a backbone, admitted that former President Trump was probably right that his wife is ugly and his father participated in the assassination of John Kennedy. "I can go really low," he told an aide proudly.

Senator Rand Paul presented the motion to table the impeachment trial on the bogus claim that it was unconstitutional to try a president who was no longer in office. Unfortunately, he was so severely bent over that he could not see the other Republican Senators who tried to pat his back to thank him for the tortured logic of his argument.

The back bending of the Republican Party has been hastened by the moral and ethical whiplash that has struck the leadership of the party in the House and Senate. Mitch McConnell, the minority leader of the Senate, had a sudden attack of spinelessness. He voted to stop the impeachment trial after just days earlier criticizing the former president for provoking the deadly assault, spreading lies and undermining democracy. He set an example for how low Republicans can stoop when they suddenly decide to ignore despicable behavior.

And House minority leader Kevin McCarthy, who blamed the former president for the attack on the Capital from the floor of the House of Representatives, has met with the former president at Mar-a-logo seeking absolution from his bowed carriage. Medical experts recommend that he wear a neck brace to counteract the pain of embarrassment from his 180 degree turnaround.

Others have just as quickly acceded to a severe curvature of their vertebrae by countering any efforts to hold the former president accountable for his sedition. Their point of view now only allows them to see the rear end of the former president whom they serve.

Republicans were at first relieved to learn that there is a cure for spinelessness. The cure requires that one listen to and act upon what their conscience tells them and what they vowed to do by taking their oaths. But the majority of Republicans rejected this antidote and refused to stand up straight. One Republican leader asked, "What's a conscience? Will it help me get votes." Another offered, "We should ask President Trump what to think and do."

The Republican leadership then developed a new Pledge of Allegiance, since in their current stooped posture the old Pledge had become obsolete:

I pledge allegiance to my leader Trump

And willingly bend to kiss his rump.

One Party, now a cult, unforgivable,

With division and falsehoods for all.

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